It’s all over the news, social media, and print media—the crisis at the US-Mexico border has reached a boiling point, and it’s on many people’s minds daily. We can’t stop retweeting, reposting, planning protests, and calling members of Congress. As we focus on helping the children affected, we can’t forget about our own children. Kids are sensitive to emotions, and they’re definitely picking up on the angry, frustrated, sad, and restless vibes we’re giving off. Maybe your infant has been fussier lately, or your 3-year-old is more defiant, or perhaps your pre-teen is more emotional. They’re reading our emotions, and it’s throwing off their own emotional stability. Plus, kids hear EVERYTHING! If you’ve ever heard your 5-year-old repeat a word or sentence you wish they hadn’t, you know what I mean. Chances are, your kids have already heard about what’s happening—whether from a friend, overhearing conversations, or even from the radio. So, what do we do now?
First, let me tell you what NOT to do. Don’t ignore it. If your children have heard about what’s going on, they’ll need a trusted adult (that’s you!) to help them process it. Older children and teens will need to talk it out. Ask them what they’ve heard and how it makes them feel. Let them express that they’re hurt, scared, or angry. For younger children, watch how they play. Are they incorporating some of these themes into their dramatic play or block play? Listen to the language they’re using. Play is how young children interpret the world around them—they can try on ideas and test out theories in a safe, comfortable place like home or school. If you see elements of this border crisis in their play, ask them the same questions as above.
Word of caution: When asking, “What have you heard?” and “Where did you hear that?”, try to do so in a non-judgmental, inviting way. If a child senses that what they know or what they’re doing is wrong or not okay, they’ll shut down. We don’t want children hiding their feelings or knowledge from us, especially about something as emotional as the forced separation of families. Get on their level, use open body language, and speak with a soft voice.
Once you have an idea of how much your child knows, spend some time explaining the situation. Make sure the information you share is factual. Talk to your children about immigration and refugees in general. Tell them that America is a nation of immigrants, and discuss your family’s history. Ask them why they think people would leave their home to come to a new country.
There are some great picture books to help explain immigration and refugees to young children. One book I recommend is The Journey by Francesca Sanna. This story weaves together multiple narratives from refugees in Europe into the story of one family’s journey to safety. Some parts of this book may be scary for little ones, so talk it through with them. Acknowledge their fears and let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Another story I’ve heard wonderful things about is La Frontera/The Border: El viaje con papá/My Journey with Papa by Alfredo Alva and Deborah Mills. This bilingual book is based on a true story of a young Mexican boy journeying to the United States with his father. It takes readers from their home in Mexico and shows the challenges immigrants face on their journey. The book also includes photos and maps related to immigration across the US-Mexico border. Books are an accessible way to introduce children to new concepts, especially difficult topics.
For older children, I recommend Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan. Esperanza must leave her privileged life and beloved grandmother in Mexico and escape to the United States during the Great Depression. Although the story is set in the early 20th century, Esperanza’s reasons for fleeing and the emotions she experiences are very much applicable to today’s events.
After your kids have shared their emotions, ask them what they think you all can do to help. It’s important to show children that everyone—from toddlers to grandmas—can do something to help. Your kids also need to see that they’re not alone, and that you’ll support them in standing up for what they believe in.
I recently discovered an amazing book called The Little Book of Little Activists. It’s full of photos and quotes from children ages 5 months to 13 years from the 2017 Women’s March. In between the quotes and photos are kid-friendly definitions of terms like “democracy,” “feminism,” “activism,” “First Amendment rights,” “protest,” “freedom,” and “equality.” You might want to read this on your own first—I definitely teared up. It’s so refreshing to see these tiny activists!
Here are some ways your family can take action:
1. Make #Postcards4Families Have your child decorate or make a postcard to send to elected officials. Let them draw pictures or write their thoughts on family separation. I’ve created a template you can print at home. Print them double-sided on cardstock or Avery 3263 wide postcards (requires a $0.35 postcard stamp). Here’s who to send them to:
The Honorable [Your senator’s name here], United States Senate, Washington, D.C. 20510
The Honorable [Your congress member’s name here], United States House of Representatives, Washington, D.C. 20510
President Donald J. Trump, The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20500
Attorney General Jeff Sessions, U.S. Department of Justice, 950 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20530-0001
The Honorable Kirstjen M. Nielsen, Secretary of Homeland Security, Washington, D.C. 20528
Commissioner Kevin K. McAleenan, U.S. Customs and Border Protection, 1300 Pennsylvania Ave., NW, Washington, D.C. 20004
2. Hold Your Own Fundraiser There’s something special about a good old-fashioned lemonade stand, especially in the summer! But fundraising doesn’t have to stop there. You can hold a bake sale, walk-a-thon, or even a dunk tank. Get creative and get your kids involved. If you need more resources, consider partnering with your local church, synagogue, mosque, community center, school, senior center, etc. Not sure where to send your donations? Check out the list I’ve put together!
3. Join a Protest I’ve written before about how I believe children have a place at demonstrations. They, too, are covered by the First Amendment right to free speech and the right to peacefully protest. Let them exercise that right! There will be gatherings across the country on Saturday, June 30th. For an up-to-date list of locations, click [here].
My last piece of advice is this: Be knowledgeable! Read everything you can about what’s happening. Make sure you’re getting information from various sources. Fact-check, then fact-check again. This ensures you have the most up-to-date, accurate information to share with your children. We want to raise well-informed citizens, and we can’t do that if we don’t have the correct information.
Children are citizens, too. They have a right to participate in our democracy and to know what’s going on in their country. Placing them in a bubble and not acknowledging what’s happening around us isn’t helpful. I’m not saying we need to scare children or add undue anxiety to their lives. But when children who are sheltered from the truth eventually learn about what’s happening, they often feel betrayed and even more confused. We can see these tough conversations as opportunities to build compassion and empathy in our children. The world needs more of that. The world needs our children.
This post is an edited version of an original blog post I previously published.
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