When I started this blog, I knew there would be times when I’d write about subjects that might make people uneasy. I’m a people-pleaser, and I don’t like making anyone upset or uncomfortable, but some things just need to be talked about. So, let’s rip off the band-aid and talk about race.
Before we dive into how to discuss race with children, let’s clear up a few things. If you’re reading this blog, I’m going to assume you lean toward progressive views (and if not, even better!). Talking about race and racism isn’t just for liberals or progressives—it’s for everyone.
Even if you think you’re not racist, that’s not the end of the story. This discussion and our work around race and racism are ongoing. Racism isn’t just about overt actions or words; it’s also about passive racism—a category that some of us “well-intentioned” white folks fall into. For example, a professor who only assigns works by white authors may not be openly saying white authors are better than black authors, but by not including black voices, the implication can be there. This professor might not see themselves as racist, but they aren’t actively helping dismantle the racist systems in place. The opposite of racism isn’t just tolerance; it’s being actively anti-racist. It’s about standing up, speaking out, having conversations, ensuring representation, and fostering exposure.
(Side note: If you’re interested in diving deeper into this topic, I HIGHLY recommend Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together In The Cafeteria? by Beverly Tatum. Tatum is a writer, psychologist, professor, and President of Spelman College. This book changed me when I read it during my master’s program. READ IT!)
Now, let’s talk about how to approach this with kids. My #1 rule for discussing race and racism with children, especially white children, is: Don’t be afraid or embarrassed! Kids say what they’re thinking. Sometimes it comes out as, “That lady looks funny!” Please resist the urge to “shhhhhh” them and scurry away. Running away confirms the child’s opinion and teaches them that talking about race is a “no-no.” Instead, use this as an opportunity for conversation. Let your child know that the woman doesn’t look “funny,” but rather “different.” Compare your child’s skin to the other person’s: “You have light skin. So do I. That woman has dark brown skin. All of this is okay! It’s part of what makes us human.” As I said earlier, being actively anti-racist involves engaging in conversation.
Another key aspect of discussing race with children is representation. It’s vital to show children that not everyone in the world looks, talks, eats, sleeps, or works like they do. We can do this through books, toys, and other media. Let’s break this down by age group!
Books
Infants/Toddlers
Yes, even infants and
need exposure to different people. This exposure often comes through books. There’s a series of board books by the Global Fund for Children that features photographs of real babies from around the world. I LOVE these books! As you flip through them with your baby, point out the other babies: “Oh, this baby has dark skin.” “This baby has curly hair.” (Side note: I prefer babies and young children to see real photographs of objects, animals, and people. Illustrations have merit, but photographs offer babies a more realistic look into their world.)
Preschool
This is an age I personally love, as it was the first age group I taught. Preschoolers are like little sponges, excited to learn! We should take advantage of this eagerness by having more direct conversations about race. One of the best ways to start a conversation is through books. Here are some of my favorites that talk explicitly about race:
Mixed Me by Taye Diggs: This story is about a boy named Mike whose dad is Black and mom is white. He explains that he’s a perfect blend of both.
The Colors of Us by Karen Katz: Lena and her mom talk about the various shades of brown skin.
All The Colors We Are: The Story of How We Get Our Skin Color/Todos Los Colores de Nuestra Piel: La Historia de por qué Tenemos Diferentes Colores de Piel by Katie Kissinger: This bilingual story helps children learn the science and history of why our skin colors vary.
Toys
Preschool
Toys offer another great way for children to explore concepts of race. One of my favorite toys is My Family Builders. Each set comes with blocks that children can put together with magnets to create different people. Children can build multi-racial families, same-sex families, or families that look like their own. My spouse and I were early funders of this toy, and we have a few sets at home. I HIGHLY recommend these toys! You can find them at: www.myfamilybuilders.com.
All Ages
Some toys and materials are suitable for all ages. A perfect example is art supplies. Companies like Crayola and Lakeshore Learning have created collections of art supplies that reflect all skin tones. Crayola offers crayons and markers, while Lakeshore Learning provides crayons, markers, colored pencils, paint, and paper. Children of all ages can create self-portraits for art projects. I’ve done this with my preschoolers, and my spouse has done it with a high school youth group. All children benefit from seeing themselves represented in art.
Another favorite of mine is baby dolls. Playing with baby dolls is no longer just for girls; these dolls teach all children about responsibility and help them engage in imaginary play. Today’s baby dolls come in many different ethnicities and races, and I encourage families to buy dolls of multiple races, not just those that match their family. Baby dolls also come in various shapes, sizes, and materials. For young children, I suggest cloth babies. For older children, you can choose from a wide range of plastic dolls. I could go on and on about the benefits of playing with baby dolls, but I’ll save that for another post.
These suggestions are just a starting point for bringing up race with our children. It’s crucial to have these conversations and provide these materials to children as early as possible.
Even if your children are older, it’s never too late to start these discussions. Remember, this is an ongoing project for any family. Introduce these conversations and materials in a way that feels authentic for your family, but please don’t shy away from them.
This post is an edited version of an original blog post I previously published.
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